The end of 23

Originally written 12/4/06

I'm nearing the end of my tenure as a 23 year-old and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Because of recent interviews I've had to revamp my resume and it seems lacking. Perhaps I believed that I'd have accomplished more by now.

As a teenager I was a chronic over-achiever. Looking at my resume when I was 19 or 21 seems much more impressive than it does now. I can't help but be somewhat disappointed for not having continued the trend, but I guess it's unreasonable to believe that my exponential growth wouldn't plateau eventually, as most things often do.

Nearing the eve of my 24th birthday, I can't help but wonder what the future has in store for me. There's nothing I can do other than continue pushing forward with the hope that my work ethic will make up for my apparently dissipating talents. I thought I was destined for greatness at a young age.

This getting older stuff is bullshit. It makes you all retrospective, introspective, aggrospective... 24 doesn't represent an age at this point; it represents frustration. While I have many things to be thankful for I guess I just wish I had more. By more I mean no debt, someone to share in debtlessness with, a place to call my own, a career; things that adults have.

I believe this all to be a function of my impatience... of my need to have everything done and done perfectly yesterday. I have so many ideas of who I want to be and what I want to do, but it's like I'm sitting in 6th grade science class and it's the last period of the day. There's only 2 minutes left until the bell rings for freedom and I'm staring at the second hand on the clock that's moving so slowly it actually feels like it might be going backwards.

Maybe I have reached my plateau... maybe not. Maybe I'm not the asymptotic type and this is just the slight dip in the middle of my sigmoidal life. Hopefully. Shit, only 2 minutes left...